dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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