she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
