is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
