im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
