Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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