Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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