i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the day after is always just damage control
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
