Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
