I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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