The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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