the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
