I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
