I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
