He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
