Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
