her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
