Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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