I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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