New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's just like the Real World with babies
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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