you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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