Can Purell be used as lube?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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