i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
