i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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