They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
