TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
