I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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