i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
