I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
