and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
