my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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