Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
