Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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