Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
