I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
