omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
