Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
