I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
