Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
