Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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