YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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