FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
