I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
