i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
