Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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