I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
