You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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