i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
