trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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