This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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