so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
