in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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