I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
